How to Discuss Household Tasks/Chores After Baby

Planning for life after the first weeks of postpartum recovery and early parenting is important, yet often overlooked, when you’re preparing for birth. Being intentional about communication within your relationships, identifying key tasks that need to be done both in and out of your home, and having a conversation about the division of labor, can help your relationship with your partner and your personal wellbeing, once you arrive home with your new baby

We’ve created a guide to help you plan for the division of tasks as you prepare to meet the newest member of your family, while still juggling the responsibilities that come with being a partner and living together.

Getting Started:

Find a time when you and your partner can spend at least 30 minutes together, discussing your roles. Ideal times are when you aren’t too tired or stressed, and you both feel energized to explore this together. You may want to go to your favorite restaurant or find your favorite comfortable chairs in your home.

Grab a notebook or few sheets of paper so that you can reflect on the prompts below separately. Silence your phone, feed your dog in advance, and give your partner your full and undivided attention. You and your relationship deserve this!

Write down your answers to the prompts below, individually. Don’t worry, you’ll have time to share your reflections with your partner after you are done. 

Lists and Prompts

Before you begin responding to the prompts, review the list below to get some ideas for what to include. You are not limited to these tasks. Include anything that is relevant to you. 

Consider Your Existing Responsibilities:

• Food: Who will plan, shop for, prepare, serve, and clean-up after our meals (adults in the family as well as any siblings)? Consider breakfast, lunch, and dinner separately and also consider. Things to consider: previously prepared freezer meals, nutritious and easy to grab snacks, healthy meal services, friends and family, takeout, taking turns cooking, weekly meal planning and prep, batch cooking, etc.
• Household Chores: Who will take out the trash, mow the lawn, and do lawn care? Who will take care of household repairs and other fix-it issues? Who will do the laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms?
• Bills: Who will make sure that the bills are paid?
• Pets: Who is in charge of taking care of pets, taking the dog on a walk, feeding, veterinary appointment scheduling, grooming, etc?
• Siblings: Who is in charge of the other children’s schedules, pediatrician well-checks, dental appointments, homework review, daycare scheduling, buying clothes, school drop off and pick up?

Prompts

Do Separately

1. On a sheet of paper, draw a vertical line down the middle of the paper, half way. Then draw a horizontal line separating the bottom ⅓ of your paper from the top ⅔. (Your paper should have a large, upside down T on it). 
   1. On the left side, spend 3 minutes brainstorming all of the tasks that you currently do or oversee. 
   2. If there are tasks that you share or that you aren’t sure who is in charge of it, put these on the bottom third of your paper. 
2. On a separate sheet of paper, draw another upside down large T. On the left side, spend 3 minutes brainstorming all of the tasks that your partner currently does or oversees. 

Do Together

1. Take turns sharing your lists with your partner. If there are tasks that you do or your partner does that you didn’t put on your initial list, add these tasks to the right side of your papers. 

Do Separately

1. Next, separately, go through the list that you and your partner came up with, of all of the tasks that YOU do or oversee. 
2. Put a heart next to all of the household chores or tasks that you enjoy and want to continue. 
3. Circle the household chores or tasks that you plan on continuing after your baby is born, even if it’s not something that you enjoy. 
4. Put a square (open box shape) next to all of the tasks that you want to discuss with your partner. Perhaps you want to discuss it because it’s a task that you would like your partner to help with, to take over, or maybe you want to hire someone to help with the task or take action so that the task is no longer needed. Regardless, a box means that it needs further follow-up. 

Do Together

1. Take turns sharing the tasks that you starred, the tasks that you circled, and the tasks that have boxes next to them. 

Now Consider New Responsibilities:

Now consider new responsibilities that will need to be done with the addition of your new family member. Before you start your list, read the ideas below. 

For Baby: 

1. Who will be in charge of feeding the baby? (consider nursing, pumping, feeding from a bottle, formula, return to work, etc)
2. Who will be awake with the baby when they wake at night, especially early on?
3. Who will watch the baby on weekdays, overnight, on weekends?
4. Who will put the baby to sleep?

Prompts

Do Separately

1. Make a large upside down T on another sheet of paper. Write your name on the left side of the paper and your partner’s name on the right side of the paper. 
2. Make a list of all of the tasks that you plan on doing under your name and make a separate list for your partner. If there are tasks that you plan to share or are unsure as to who will take care of these tasks, put these on the bottom of the list. 

Do Together

1. Discuss your lists with your partner and update them as needed. 

Do Separately

1. Put a square (open box shape) next to all of the tasks that you want to discuss with your partner. 

Do Together

1. Discuss these tasks that you or your partner put squares next to on your sheets. Consider how you will address these tasks. Will you divide the responsibility and if so, how will it be divided? Are there areas where you need to ask for outside help or support?

It’s alright to feel like you don’t have everything figured out. You’ve at least started the dialogue and are already much further ahead than most families who have a new baby, when it comes to this important discussion. Hopefully this has helped you to better understand yours and your partner’s current and future roles in taking care of the tasks that come with having a busy family. Keep communication flowing and revisit your lists periodically. Life gets messy, but you and your partner are on a team, and together you can accomplish so much more than you could alone. 

At Diana Health, we are here to support not only your physical wellbeing, but your emotional and mental wellbeing too. If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression or are worried about your emotional wellbeing, please reach out to us and book a visit online. We are here to support you.